The last week or so has been tough. After having an awesome and super productive day at speech therapy two weeks ago, last week was not as successful. Not that she did "bad," but I was disappointed after such an good appointment the week before. As soon as we got in the car I had a mommy meltdown. I started bawling. (and, as John can attest, I can bawl)
I was sad for Madeline. Sad that she isn't "normal." Sad that she will always have to work harder. Sad that her peers are, by and large, much more advanced that she is. Sad that she will struggle with things that come so easily to most other kids her age. Sad that she has an overly emotional mom who will always cry and worry. Her speech therapist - Noelle, her audiologist - Dr. Wheeler and her pediatrician, Dr. Olivo have all assured us that they expect her to catch up very quickly. We are working with her at home, but of course I always question how much more I could and should be doing. And it's true, we have seen tons of improvement and advancement in the last couple of months, even though she is still months behind where she "should be."
But Maddie is normal. She is her normal. She is the kid that God designed and created. And as I was reminded in church yesterday, who am I to question the God of the universe and why He made her the way He did?? Of course no parent ever wishes anything "abnormal" with their children, but seriously, why the crap am I sad that God gave John and I a healthy, spunky ringleted daughter with a laugh that will make you pee your pants laughing?!
So really this brief post is just a little rambling memoir to myself. Reminding me that as much as I like to pretend, I am not the one in control. I can't do and plan it all. My daughter was made in the image of God and created just as He intended. No one said being a parent was easy. No one said you will ever stop worrying. So shut up, Melissa. Stop crying.