sad

I'm angry and I'm sad.  Last Friday, April 4 - dear Fred got to go Home.  He is no longer struggling to breathe, he isn't needing to have fluid drained from his lungs.  He has the perfect white blood cell count.  He isn't in pain.

I'm sad that, (in this life,) I don't ever get to see his face again.  I'm sad that left field will never be the same.  I'm sad that Maddie will never get to know him.  I'm sad that Brenda is left without her husband.  I'm sad that Misti and Julie have lost their awesome dad. 
 
Like I told Brenda and the girls - I don't pretend to imagine and know what they are going through and feeling.  I know what John and I are going through and feeling, and it sucks - so I truly can't fathom being in their shoes.  But if these last few days have done nothing else, they have shown how loved Fred was by so many people.  Thank you for sharing him with the rest of us.

We love you.  We are better people because of you. 
So, Fred, I really am happy that you are with Jesus right now.

But, selfishly for me, I'm still very very sad.